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June 23, 2010


(I wrote the first draft of this for a slam poetry night a few years ago, but didn’t have the guts to perform it.  But now that douchebags are in vogue, perhaps someone out there might wanna step up to the plate with this new and improved version?  Send me a vid’ and I will post without hesitation! 8) )


The room spins around my Light

Screwing me in tight

Just another page

In my Douchebag Manifesto

I am ALL that I see…

‘cause I burn so bright.

But don’t confuse the sin with the sinner

Quarter-pound lies, abandonment fries

And a betrayal Cola – super-size – that is my dinner

You see, it all starts HERE…

(point to crotch)

The Big Bang blood-rush – Alpha Male flood, hush…

WITNESS – I am all that I see…and this is all that I am

A one-trick pony:  ride me for quarters

A two-faced phony:  rushing your borders

A three-pump jabroni:  lock up your daughters.

I will rock every nebula

Roll every galaxy

And pound those black holes.

But what else can I be?

You will never know the waste of it…

Crowning a compost heap that smells so pretty

You will never get the taste of it…

Writhing throat-down and stomach-bound in sweat-soaked pity

And you will never see the FACE of it…

‘cause how bad can it be when I’m flexing and sexing and savagely perplexing

Every bitter clit and twitching tail with a grin that eats babies

I will prowl in your streets.  I will burn down your City.

It all stays HERE…

The conquering slit slayer.  No-remorse poon player.

Stand and be counted in this Census of ONE

A 6-side misogynist:  like a gambler, I risk you

A 5-voice ventriloquist:  like a dummy, I fist you

A 4-time abortionist:  like a death toll, I list you

Stabbing it deep

Choking it dry

Blotting out the Sun.

But what else CAN I be?

You will never live the thrill of it…

Sucking on tender veins until they run dry

You will never feel the chill of it…

Shattering a heart that’s too dumb to ask why

And you can never know the kill of it

‘cause how hard can it be to keep on faking and taking and tender thigh-shaking

Every little girl that gives up her Gift to the sham of sensation

In the hopes that one more Daddy

can teach her how to cry?

It all ends HERE…

The Big-Crunch ring-toss.  Omega-Man swing-boss

Kneel and give worship at this Pillar of FIRE

when you believe?  I’ll hook you with need.

when I deceive?  You’ll weep and you’ll bleed.

And then, as you grieve?  That is when I’ll feed.

Splitting every molecule

Smashing every atom

Sodomizing Life.

The room spins around my mind

Screwing me hard from behind

And I write it all down

the Douchebag Manifesto

I am ALL that I see…

‘cause I have gone blind.

And you can gasp ‘oh my God’, and call me a fraud

Or sit on your hands and never applaud

That’s fine, baby.

But don’t confuse the sin with the sinner

You’d get so much more if you’d just spare the Child…

and spoil the rod.

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